Wednesday, July 9, 2008
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Your Money Personality--It's All in Your Head



Money, get away. Get a good job with good pay and you're OK. Money, it's a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash. New car, caviar, four star daydream, Think I'll buy me a football team.

--Pink Floyd, rock band

What makes one person a spendthrift and another person a miser? Where do we get our attitudes--which usually lead to behaviors--about money?

Behaviorists will say that attitudes about money often are learned behaviors. And that those learned behaviors also reflect a host of other influences, including: ethnicity, gender, class, nationality, immigrant status, income, education, religion, marital status, and family makeup.

Sociologists and others who examine such things as attitudes about money would say that the stereotypical American white Anglo-Saxon household, for example, tends to think of money as a tool to promote individual expression and self-reliance.

Perhaps that's what inspired the song "Money" by Pink Floyd. Taken to the extreme, that's why some professional athletes have six cars when one or two would do quite nicely. In such cases, clearly, car-ownership goes way beyond a utilitarian need for transportation and becomes more an expression of self.

More realistic, however, is the case of Sally and Mike in San Diego. They didn't absolutely have to have a brand-new mini van or a bigger house, but as dual-income full-time professionals who spend most of their waking hours working, it comes down to quality of life.

It's a "we-work-hard-for-our-money, let's-enjoy-it" approach to money. And many Americans would say: "Why not?" Only a short decade ago Harvard economist Juliet Schor noted that average Americans were working the equivalent of two months more each year than their German or French counterparts--and that four-day workweek promised so many years ago is today still a mirage.

According to Celia Falicov, who wrote about the culture of money while at the University of California, San Diego, for the American Behavioral Scientist, there are some pretty significant cultural differences that show up when examining people's attitudes about money.

For example, Falicov says Anglo-Americans would tend to focus on using money to express individualism and self-reliance, while Latinos would more likely focus the use of money based on collectivism--family goals.

Think of it this way. In the Hispanic or Latino culture, the focus is on family connectedness and cohesiveness. Additionally, the Latino community has a broader definition of "family" than Anglos do. Hispanics' extended family often includes immediate family members, distant relatives, close family friends, in-laws, and even godparents. That interdependency on extended family members is one reason why Hispanics send so much money back to their families in their native countries.

The cycle of poverty often keeps a family poor for generations.

"Although money is earned and saved individually [in the Hispanic culture]," Falicov writes, "it is often shared, particularly in times of need." Sending money home is an inescapable duty among most Hispanics.

That's not to suggest that the Anglo family won't be supportive to other family members in need. It's just in the Latino culture, that support is an obligation--not a choice.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

--Woody Allen, American playwright

"Money's a good thing," a smiling 36-year-old Victor Corro says when talking about Latin American money attitudes. "And Latin America is a cash-based society--at least among people age 40 and older."

"People over the age of 40 in Latin America aren't likely to use check or debit cards or any electronic payment tools," Corro notes. "While that's changing among younger people, there's still some mistrust of payment transactions over the Internet."

Raised in Panama until he was 19, Corro's mother put him on the bus every other Friday to spend the afternoon paying the family's utility bills--in cash.

"In the U.S. we value our time, and electronic transactions address that concern. Spending a whole afternoon to pay bills is not a big deal in Latin America," Corro says. As International Partnerships Manager for the World Council of Credit Unions in Madison, Wis., Corro explains that while it is customary in the U.S. to show up five minutes early for a 4 p.m. appointment, in Latin America, arriving 45 minutes late for that appointment is still on time. Time is not the equivalent of money in some cultures.

Of course, one cannot overestimate the impact poverty has on attitudes about money. Poor families purchase by cash because credit often is not available to them. And the cycle of poverty often keeps a family poor for generations. Lack of resources often can mean poor people pay more for the same products and services than the middle class or affluent do. This ghetto-cash economy applies to all poor people, whether they are Anglo-Americans, African Americans, Asian-Americans, or Hispanic-Americans.

People with no access to credit are forced to pool their resources.

"For middle-class and upper-class mainstream Americans, the world of money is electronic," notes Falicov. That means payroll deduction, money transfers, electronic bill payment, and other conveniences are a given. In many cultures, such conveniences aren't always available to poor and working class consumers.

Income and gender, too, play a role in one's attitude about money. Higher income Anglo-American women, for example, feel increased autonomy and independence. Indeed, many Anglo women with higher incomes often keep personal accounts that are limited to their access only. Marc and Vicki, Virginia Beach, Va., have been married for more than a dozen years. They keep some funds separate, and commingle others.

The rule is not to talk about money with people who have much more or much less than you.

--Katherine Whitehorn, British writer

While Westerners often are seen as individualistic and materialistic, that phenomenon may be spreading as the economy becomes more global. Pablo DeFilippi came to the U.S. in 1990 from Chile at age 22. When he returns to Santiago now, he sees a changing culture. "Western-type consumption is more common in Chile now," DeFilippi says. "Attitudes toward debt are generational," he says. His father, a teacher and farmer who came to the U.S. in the 1970s always pays cash, while the son accepts debt as a fact of life.

DeFilippi, who works for the National Federation of Community Development Credit Unions in New York and once managed a credit union on the lower east side of Manhattan, says collectivism is often a necessity in cultures where government support is lacking. "People had to find their own [financial] solution," he says, "that's why they collaborated." Collaboration often is environmental, he notes, because "people with no access to credit are forced to pool their resources."

Attitudes about money are often complex. In India, money is both an essential part of one's life and a potential obstacle to salvation. "The symbols attached to money (in India) are the products of the life state, life aim, and social role," according to an article by Mohan Dutta-Bergman of Purdue University, West Lafayette, Ind.

Money holds different meanings at different life stages in Indian culture--it's used to build material prosperity, enhance familial relationships, do one's duties in life, and attain salvation or 'complete freedom.' In other words, the meaning of money changes depending on one's life stages. In fact, some people from India see Americans as impoverished because money is not used to promote spirituality.

In Muslim countries the charging of interest (riba) is considered usury.

In England, the practicality of needing and using money clashes with the guilt associated with having money and wealth. In some cultures, money, it seems, provides a constant struggle between good and evil.

The notion that wealth is evil is shared across some cultures. In China and Taiwan, for example, wealth sometimes is seen as an evil that can destroy families, interfere with serious thinking, and even promote superficiality.

"I don't know about that," notes Pete Crear, head of the World Council of Credit Unions in Madison, Wis., a global trade association that promotes establishment of credit unions and cooperative ideals--like thrift. Crear has traveled extensively and notes with a laugh, "What I do know is everywhere I go, people of just about any race, color, or creed want to know how to borrow money."

Indeed, money has many different meanings to different people. Deborah Price, a California author and financial instructor, recently established a money coaching institute in South Africa. To Price, the attitudes about money there show up in security issues. "Black South Africans feel so much more secure [in their attitudes about money] because money is not the only medium of exchange that they understand ... whereas that's all Americans understand."

In Muslim countries the charging of interest (riba) is considered usury, and doing business with companies that have a significant portion of income from interest is prohibited. Charging interest is considered an injustice and exploitative.

That attitude was shared by Christians at one time, notes Connie Kilmark, Kilmark & Associates, Madison, Wis., a money adviser. "Charging interest and profiting at the expense of the poor was seen as oppressive and exploitative," she notes before opining that payday lenders and legislators could learn a thing or two from that biblical reference.

Of course, today's world economy means that getting rid of interest income is next to impossible. Muslims use fees as acceptable alternatives. And some Muslim scholars have set a threshold for the percentage of revenue that can earn interest income. Companies that earn too much interest can give back excess interest income to the poor and needy or to a public charity.

Consumerism is the addiction of our time.

In many cultures, money is not an end in itself, but a means to achieve higher values. If it is earned, invested, and spent appropriately, it will reward an individual or a family.

Of course, there are no simple answers to understanding our feelings and beliefs about money. Analyzing your money attitudes, your earning and spending habits, and your money values can be useful.

Price is more succinct in her analysis: Real change won't take place until Americans (and couples) can speak honestly about money and can address the issue of insatiable consumerism.

She says, "Consumerism is the addiction of our time." Maybe that's what Pink Floyd was saying.

Your spending has nothing to do with math

"Talking about money is taboo in our culture."

So says Deborah Price, a money coach, author, and financial adviser for 22 years, who is sole proprietor of money-therapy.com in Healdsburg, Calif., headquarters for her money coaching institute.

Money is a medium of exchange, but it is far more than that in our culture. It's used as a way to express love, affection, control, and power.

Money affects just about everything people do. It can affect family relationships, careers, even friendships. It manifests itself in many different ways--self-esteem, wellness, position, and stature at home and at work.

Money is the No. 1 source of stress for 73% of Americans, according to a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association. It's also the No. 1 cause of marital problems. And the belief that money brings happiness or power can lead people to take unwarranted risks or to spend impulsively.

But to understand how we spend money we need to understand our feelings and attitudes about money.

"If managing money was just about math and the numbers, everyone would know how to manage their finances sometime around the fifth grade," says Connie Kilmark, of Kilmark & Associates, in Madison, Wis. For 30 years Kilmark has been helping couples confront their money problems and she's convinced their problems have little to do with money.

While budgets rein in spending for some people and help others enjoy a luxury or two, too many people either don't have a plan or can't stick to it. And it's all because of their attitudes and beliefs about money.

Money is the No. 1 source of stress for 73% of Americans.

"What I do is life design," Kilmark says. "It's really not about asset allocation." While couples may think that's what they are going to talk about with Kilmark, they soon learn she'll be giving them a whole new vocabulary--one not so laden with winning or losing.

"Each person tells me about his or her life story. These story meetings are invaluable," Kilmark says. Clients find out about their money attitudes and how to manage them. It's tedious work and includes homework assignments and a commitment for six or more two- to three-hour work sessions. The sessions aren't cheap; prices are comparable to other area professional counseling services. But changing behavior never comes easily.

"When it comes to money and talk about money, people become reactive," Price says. "Most people are hard-wired about money and they don't feel safe talking about it. And if you don't feel safe talking about money, how can you manage it?"

Indeed, Kilmark notes that in many couples one person controls the money, which automatically establishes a hierarchy and puts the money keeper in the role of the grownup and the other in a subservient role as the child.

Understanding one another's attitude about money can help create a more equitable relationship.

So where do people get their attitudes about money? Price says everyone has an attitude about money that they learned from the people who raised them. "We all have subconscious and unconscious patterns that we learn. We have to understand those patterns before we can control them."

While many people grow up saying they aren't going to be like their parents, in reality we "either emulate the patterns we learn or we react against them," Price says. "Either way the person who raised us is having an impact in our attitudes and behaviors about money."

To family background Kilmark adds several other factors that are huge influences on spending patterns. Where you were born in history (think of Depression-era individuals), your individual family history, your neuron-biology (how you process information), and even your religious background all play significant roles in your spending habits.

"Those are all axes of development. The ancestors, the [environmental] voices in your head are all at work, and then you combine your background with that of a life partner, and you begin to understand that your attitudes about money are so primitive," Kilmark says.

Most people are hard-wired about money and they don't feel safe talking about it.

As a result, the model most people learn about money is probably flawed, which means it's no accident our attitudes about and our behaviors with money will be flawed, too.

Price, author of the book "Money Magic: Unleashing Your True Potential for Prosperity and Fulfillment" has a number of tools she uses to coach her clients. She'll ask them to write a "money biography"--a personal history that records their experiences with money from childhood to today or a "life inventory"--a statement of net worth. These tools help you identify behaviors and attitudes that trigger spending.

Price started her business because financial planning wasn't producing the results she wanted for herself and her clients. "I could address the practical stuff (overspending), but for real success we needed to address the underlying issues."

Both Kilmark and Price have a language all their own that they use when talking about money. Speaking the language of their constituents is important--a PhD's terminology differs from a baggage handler's. Kilmark uses terms like "methodical decision-maker" and "impulsive decision-maker," while Price has identified a variety of "money types" in her book that include:

  • The Fool--impetuous, restless, undisciplined, financially irresponsible, optimistic, overly generous, carefree, adventurous. Lives for today.
  • The Tyrant--secretive, rigid, controlling, fearful, manipulative, aggressive, critical, unforgiving, materialistic.
  • The Martyr--self-sacrificing, controlling, manipulative, secretive, long-suffering, passive-aggressive, compassionate, wise, a caretaker type.
  • The Victim--emotional, resentful, financially irresponsible, unforgiving, addictive, lives in the past.
  • The Warrior--driven, powerful, competitive, disciplined, loyal, goal-oriented, calculating, financially successful.
  • The Creative--artistic and/or spiritual, passive, nonmaterialistic, detached, internally motivated, a loner.
  • The Innocent--trusting, indecisive, financially dependent, nonconfrontational, internally anxious, seeks security.

  • The Magician--conscious, wise, trusting, generous, optimistic, confident, powerful, compassionate, balanced, a truth seeker.

Price wants clients to aspire to be magicians.

"Behavior change is the ultimate goal," Kilmark says. "I'm not there to teach. I have many doctors and lawyers as clients, so their issues have nothing to do with education. Their issues are about attitude and behavior."

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